...

 

I'm learning that love is a lot less about emotions, and a lot more about choice. Choosing to love, is choosing to love the good, the bad, and everything in-between. Choosing to love, is choosing to 

put yourself second not first. 

{ }

 

Sometimes what we want, 

isn't what we need.

.

I'm trying to let go.

Gracie.

I miss being a little girl sometimes. 

I was the chubbiest little three year old - with dimples, rosy cheeks, 

and a hearty laugh that would have made anyone laugh.

The naivety,  the fearlessness, the love for the little things...

simple. It was simple to be young. 

I'd do anything to erase the years of experiences, pains, realizations...to go back to that season of a carefree soul. 

But the truth is, I wouldn't know what I had - I didn't know it then - if I erased everything I've been through since then, I would have no point of comparison. 

I wonder if I am doing that now in my life...

...not realizing what I have.

I want to see it.

I want to re-awaken to the beauty of living. 

{always} changing

 

So this is me, sitting in my new office.

I'm the new Graphic Designer at JBU, and so far I'm loving it. 

More than I ever expected loving an 8-5 - complete with cubicle - job.

{Hooray!}

Here's to, new beginnings and a fresh season of growing. 

{I'm excited to see what God's got in mind.}

{.}

It's a grey and rainy day, but a day so full of promise.

uncovered.

 

I want it to be His beauty, that remains.

foreign to a dreaming heart.

I want to learn to be content with where I am.

love where I'm at.

&

live wholeheartedly in the present.

pancakes.

pancakes.

possibly my favorite staple food.

Adele.

possibly my new favorite musician.

Susan.

definitely. one of my favorite people.

the combination today - excellent.

Pancakes bring back all sorts of memories for me. Saturday mornings waking up to Mum working hard to make enough for five hungry children. New Zealand, living on my own and making them nearly every night due to my nearly non-existent cooking skills. Sitting in the kitchen today having them once again, it amazed me to think of how everything has changed in such a short time. My whole life looks different. God is so good, and I am so thankful.

the knot to undo.

Sometimes it seems like the biggest threat to a relationship you're in

...is yourself.

I promise.

I'll let go of the gripping fears.

I'll forget the calendar dates.

the ones that set the paranoia deeper.

I'll close my eyes.

I'll let it be just me and you.

But baby, I'll always be a work in progress.

soon, but not yet.

One day I'll be who I was meant to be.

When the "not yet" portion of God's kingdom is brought into fruition,

 things will no longer be such a shade of grey. 

His glory seen clearly in comparison to my depravity. 

Nothing else will matter quite so much.

Romans 7:21-25

"So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me 

through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

.

My soul is weary from the constant wrestling of heart and flesh. 

Oh for the day I breathe without restraint.

worth it.

{ }

 

  I don't always want to, 

but I'm working to make the best of 

what this is. 

what I've got. 

what I am. 

.

I just want to live, to love.

.

discipline

life goal: to find a bridge across the gap between how things are - and how they should be.

answer: Jesus.

There seem to be these really poignant times in my life where I am smacked rather rudely with the reality of my own messiness. (we could use another word here).

fact: life is hard.

question: what will we do with it?

I need a good kick in the behind from God. (I said this to a friend, then rather timidly looked up and added - "Oh! - A gentle one that is, please." You have to be careful what you ask for.)

I've been feeling generally unmotivated lately. Overwhelmed with the ways I'm failing to balance my life. Failing to spend the time I need with God. Not wanting to face up to the things I know Him and I need to tackle. Feeling like I can't live up to the expectations of friendships. 

short story: things need to change.

the beginning: a new habit of prayer

thank goodness He's always loved me in my darkest times.

...

"Your arms are long enough to reach
and Your eyes are sharp enough to see

When I'm outrunning you,

You're out running for me."

sea salt.

I have days of missing Maine.

the lighthouses.

the coast.

the seafood.

the summer camping months.

One day, I'll take my children there.

let it be true.

I want to love you more than I do.

.

{I can't seem to pray much more than that.}

repeat. 

repeat. 

{ }

I think you and I...

...could take on the world.

{hiding}.

life is beautiful. 

.

now go find it.

{ }

I hate injustice. 

building a quest.

Sometimes I feel like as soon as my ideas have hit the air they are doomed for failure, however they also seem to burst inside me until I let them out...so here I am letting them run 
wild and free.

Summer plans:

Buy a bike. With a basket. In a creamy, pastel color.

Begin my endeavor to learn Spanish.

Experiment with cooking cuisine from different cultures.

Get a good, solid tan that makes me miss New Zealand less.

Buy a ticket to another country, and leave for a week...or two.  

Take more photos. 

Get my Etsy shop up and running.

Spend more time with my eyes open wide for people's needs. And do something about them.

Grow my nails out. (I feel like this goal must conclude each goal list I make or something would be admiss...appreciate the well-placed intention?)

.

{I've got a million dreams spreading through my veins.}

namesake.

 

Sometimes it feels like I'm not enough.

Sometimes it feels like I'm too much.

Sometimes the lies scream louder than the truth. 

But baby, I'm so much stronger than you think.

There's a lot of hope in this heart.

I want His light, His love. to be my bright anticipation.

I want the atmosphere to change with knowledge of His presence.

I want to change the atmosphere with His presence.

fragrance. 

namesake.

the reason for my creation.

Every day, it's only clearer.

.

"grace finds beauty in everything" 

{U2}

sometimes I like to pretend that I am a 

hippie-Indian-princess.

with braided hair and a winsome heart.

strong.

carefree.

fiercely loyal.

I always want to be the kind of woman who takes on life with gusto.

Someone who never lets life take over her.

let my soul run free.

I like empty places.

free-spirited places.

where my soul can breathe deeply and rest.

where I feel alive.

where nothing can touch me.

where everything waits...just for adventure.

I like the places people rarely find time to visit.

those places with their own distinct feeling.

peaceful places.

beautiful places.

take me to those places.

.

{"Wilderness is not a luxury, it is a necessity."}