So, I realize that this is another "gushy" post, but I couldn't help showing you the fun photos my sister took over spring break! We all set out on a drizzly day to have some fun, camera in hand - and she captured some great photos for us...despite the rain!
I was a little unsure about this! - but it's a good thing he's strong!
I like him.
There has to be at least one completely cheesy one!
I love the Springtime flowers.
Don't be deceived by the smile, by this point I was wet...and cold.
Ice-cream is always a great addition to any day.
On another note, this month I will be tackling moving houses and changing jobs! It's going to be a busy April!
God has been teaching me more about himself, and oh my is it astounding.
Phil Vischer (creator of Veggie Tales) came and spoke on our college campus and the words he had to say only further drove home the point God has been making to me. His message was summed up in this - "No matter what your dream is, God is bigger."
He is more satisfying than the fulfillment of any dream. No matter how well-intended, impacting, or "godly".
Nothing can add additional worth to simply knowing Jesus, there is absolutely nothing greater, grander, or more life-giving.
Our whole life is about him and us. That's it. Everything else is bonus.
If anything, whether dream or failure begins to threaten your relationship with God, you can be sure he will do some re-arranging to recapture your heart.
There is freedom found in the realization that life is not about achievement - it's about relationship.
This begs the question, is he worth more to me than my wildest dreams?
Am I in love with him, or am I in love with my dreams?
This week I have felt honored to read the thoughts of a gentle old man who journaled and shared his thoughts while going through the painful process of watching his wife die (this after many years of her struggling with intense sickness). Today was his final letter, as she slipped away to be with Jesus. Being a part of the stories he has shared, I've absorbed it all, and my heart feels a deep sorrow - and also a deep hope. His writing has been honest and the emotions he has shared - raw.
To see a love that withstood so much pain in this life, and a devoted love like none I've ever seen - is inspiring.
What rings truer than true, is where Jesus is so obvious and bright.
It's something different than what most marriages display, sadly.
I want a truth-saturated-love like that, a real and lasting love.
I'm beginning to realize that the first step is a crucial mind-shift,
beginning with the belief that - happiness is only a by-product of holiness - happiness, does not beget holiness.
Marriage is about our sanctification...happiness - is one of those
beautiful bonuses that comes along with it.
Life is a lot less about us than we ever grow up believing it is.
These words find a place I cannot explain. Alive and painful all in one, they are strikingly beautiful. And their incapability to be explained, is what only makes them only more beautiful.
That's the way I'd like to write.
We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living
and since that first breath... We’ll need grace that we’ve never given
I've been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts
and it's not only when these eyes are closed
these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach,
but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather
and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north,
stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better
but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will...
so I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship,
to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts.
don’t let these waves wash away your hopes
this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors
pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviors
but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board
washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores
so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it
but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new starts
we all have the same holes in our hearts...
everything falls apart at the exact same time
that it all comes together perfectly for the next step
but my fear is this prison... that I keep locked below the main deck
I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden
and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right
but they’re heavy and I’m awkward...always running out of fight
so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship
hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks
because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam
lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea
so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember
My throat it still tastes like house fire and salt water
I wear this tide like loose skin, rock me to sea
if we hold on tight we’ll hold each other together
and not just be some fools rushing to die in our sleep
all these machines will rust I promise, but we'll still be electric
shocking each other back to life
Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected
our bones grown together inside
our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided
our spines grown stronger in time
because are church is made out of shipwrecks
from every hull these rocks have claimed
but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change
so come on y'all and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and
tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever
I noticed this photo the other day on a blog, and couldn't get away from just how lovely it is. I'm not sure what it is that draws me so much to the woman in the photo...maybe it's her curly hair springing every which way - her bright red flowered shirt, or maybe the fact that her name is "Star". Everything about her appearance suggests that she lives life, free as a bird. Winsome and bright. I don't know what it would take for me to let go of the worries and thoughts that often grip so tightly to my mind. I would love to make just one decision and watch my life transform from it's overly contemplative state to an always hopeful spirit.
When I stepped into God's presence last night, during the music as it played...he took my hand - and we ran. The sky was white, the field was knee high with golden grass...and all we did, was run. The breeze whipped around me, and my heart felt light. As the music changed, he pulled me up short and with one arm held above my head, he twirled me and we danced. I laughed.
"Majesty" the words expanded, and burst. "His grace has found me just as I am."
"Just a few more minutes with you please..." I pleaded, "Just a few more..."
"Let's do this again soon" He said in his warm voice.
A break, and the music changed again. The perfect song for the perfect moment. I lifted my head with the biggest smile across my face. "I've finally found where I belong...I've finally found where I belong, in your presence...I've finally found where I belong, Lord...To be with you, to be with you" The words never truer. This place with him, this place where I am truly myself. Where nothing else exists to furrow my brow. Only laughter, and deep soul-filling joy. "I am my Beloved's and He is mine" the lyrics broke into my state of mind and looking up at him, my mouth filled with the words, "So come into your garden and take delight in me...take delight in me..delight in me, delight in me..." Saying it again wasn't enough, again, again. "Delight in me...God delight in me."
I'm desperate for Him to change me. Desperate to be His delight.
I'm learning that love is a lot less about emotions, and a lot more about choice. Choosing to love, is choosing to love the good, the bad, and everything in-between. Choosing to love, is choosing to
I was the chubbiest little three year old - with dimples, rosy cheeks,
and a hearty laugh that would have made anyone laugh.
The naivety, the fearlessness, the love for the little things...
simple. It was simple to be young.
I'd do anything to erase the years of experiences, pains, realizations...to go back to that season of a carefree soul.
But the truth is, I wouldn't know what I had - I didn't know it then - if I erased everything I've been through since then, I would have no point of comparison.
I am in love, with love and the One who is Love. Beauty, truth, and creativity light up my eyes. I write to think. & I long to forever be in a state of learning.
without Jesus my life would mean nothing. with Him it means everything.
"Christ died for men precisely because men are not worth dying for; to make them worth it." {C.S. Lewis}
