pancakes.

pancakes.

possibly my favorite staple food.

Adele.

possibly my new favorite musician.

Susan.

definitely. one of my favorite people.

the combination today - excellent.

Pancakes bring back all sorts of memories for me. Saturday mornings waking up to Mum working hard to make enough for five hungry children. New Zealand, living on my own and making them nearly every night due to my nearly non-existent cooking skills. Sitting in the kitchen today having them once again, it amazed me to think of how everything has changed in such a short time. My whole life looks different. God is so good, and I am so thankful.

the knot to undo.

Sometimes it seems like the biggest threat to a relationship you're in

...is yourself.

I promise.

I'll let go of the gripping fears.

I'll forget the calendar dates.

the ones that set the paranoia deeper.

I'll close my eyes.

I'll let it be just me and you.

But baby, I'll always be a work in progress.

soon, but not yet.

One day I'll be who I was meant to be.

When the "not yet" portion of God's kingdom is brought into fruition,

 things will no longer be such a shade of grey. 

His glory seen clearly in comparison to my depravity. 

Nothing else will matter quite so much.

Romans 7:21-25

"So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me 

through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

.

My soul is weary from the constant wrestling of heart and flesh. 

Oh for the day I breathe without restraint.

worth it.

{ }

 

  I don't always want to, 

but I'm working to make the best of 

what this is. 

what I've got. 

what I am. 

.

I just want to live, to love.

.

discipline

life goal: to find a bridge across the gap between how things are - and how they should be.

answer: Jesus.

There seem to be these really poignant times in my life where I am smacked rather rudely with the reality of my own messiness. (we could use another word here).

fact: life is hard.

question: what will we do with it?

I need a good kick in the behind from God. (I said this to a friend, then rather timidly looked up and added - "Oh! - A gentle one that is, please." You have to be careful what you ask for.)

I've been feeling generally unmotivated lately. Overwhelmed with the ways I'm failing to balance my life. Failing to spend the time I need with God. Not wanting to face up to the things I know Him and I need to tackle. Feeling like I can't live up to the expectations of friendships. 

short story: things need to change.

the beginning: a new habit of prayer

thank goodness He's always loved me in my darkest times.

...

"Your arms are long enough to reach
and Your eyes are sharp enough to see

When I'm outrunning you,

You're out running for me."

sea salt.

I have days of missing Maine.

the lighthouses.

the coast.

the seafood.

the summer camping months.

One day, I'll take my children there.

let it be true.

I want to love you more than I do.

.

{I can't seem to pray much more than that.}

repeat. 

repeat. 

{ }

I think you and I...

...could take on the world.

{hiding}.

life is beautiful. 

.

now go find it.

{ }

I hate injustice. 

building a quest.

Sometimes I feel like as soon as my ideas have hit the air they are doomed for failure, however they also seem to burst inside me until I let them out...so here I am letting them run 
wild and free.

Summer plans:

Buy a bike. With a basket. In a creamy, pastel color.

Begin my endeavor to learn Spanish.

Experiment with cooking cuisine from different cultures.

Get a good, solid tan that makes me miss New Zealand less.

Buy a ticket to another country, and leave for a week...or two.  

Take more photos. 

Get my Etsy shop up and running.

Spend more time with my eyes open wide for people's needs. And do something about them.

Grow my nails out. (I feel like this goal must conclude each goal list I make or something would be admiss...appreciate the well-placed intention?)

.

{I've got a million dreams spreading through my veins.}

namesake.

 

Sometimes it feels like I'm not enough.

Sometimes it feels like I'm too much.

Sometimes the lies scream louder than the truth. 

But baby, I'm so much stronger than you think.

There's a lot of hope in this heart.

I want His light, His love. to be my bright anticipation.

I want the atmosphere to change with knowledge of His presence.

I want to change the atmosphere with His presence.

fragrance. 

namesake.

the reason for my creation.

Every day, it's only clearer.

.

"grace finds beauty in everything" 

{U2}

sometimes I like to pretend that I am a 

hippie-Indian-princess.

with braided hair and a winsome heart.

strong.

carefree.

fiercely loyal.

I always want to be the kind of woman who takes on life with gusto.

Someone who never lets life take over her.

let my soul run free.

I like empty places.

free-spirited places.

where my soul can breathe deeply and rest.

where I feel alive.

where nothing can touch me.

where everything waits...just for adventure.

I like the places people rarely find time to visit.

those places with their own distinct feeling.

peaceful places.

beautiful places.

take me to those places.

.

{"Wilderness is not a luxury, it is a necessity."}

feel my heart {beat}.

I just want to live loud.

The songs and {rushings} of my heart materialized into reality.

.

And not that I hope to do these things, but that I fully intend to do these things.

these days...

My heart has only smiles.

obey.

How much do you love me?

.

Obedience brings freedom. 

Our actions, only symptoms of our hearts. 

Beautiful illusions will never last as a substitute for truth.

{Isaiah 30:8-21}

Go now, write it on a tablet for them, inscribe it on a scroll, that for the days to come it may be an everlasting witness.These are rebellious people, deceitful children, children unwilling to listen to the Lord's instruction. They say to the seers, "See no more visions!" and to the prophets, "Give us no more visions of what is right! Tell us pleasant things, prophesy illusions. Leave this way, get off this path, and stop confronting us with the Holy One of Israel!" Therefore, this is what the Holy One of Israel says: "Because you have rejected this message, relied on oppression and depended on deceit, this sin will become for you like a high wall, cracked and bulging, that collapses suddenly, in an instant. It will break in pieces like pottery, shattered so mercilessly that among its pieces not a fragment will be found for taking coals from a hearth or scooping water out of a cistern." This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. You said, 'No, we will flee on horses.' Therefore you will flee! You said, 'We will ride off on swift horses.' Therefore your pursuers will be swift! A thousand will flee at the threat of one; at the threat of five you will all flee away, till you are left like a flagstaff on a mountaintop, like a banner on a hill." Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him! O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

I want to love you with my actions.

mm.

the newest perfume on my wishlist.

 

So...there's this boy...

& 

I like him. :)

[fun...unexpected...and really exciting.]

this is all of me.

Today, I exchange ashes for a crown of beauty.

Giving up a spirit of despair, for a garment of praise.

 

Some days I still feel defeated.

But I know the name of the game is shame, and I won't play that anymore.

So whether I drag, or scrape my way to Jesus...

I will be found in Him.