ugly truths

Two in one day, feel the love. Actually I just needed to get my thoughts in writing...because somehow, for some reason, it always feels better. Honesty is like that.

I am frustrated with the many inconsistencies I see in my life.
I am frustrated with the lies I tell...myself, and others.
I am frustrated with the hurt I cause other people because of my selfishness.
I am frustrated with the disorganization of my life and my incapability to pull it all together.
I am frustrated with the way I am constantly comparing myself and beating myself up about things I can never change.
I am frustrated with my inability to be self-disciplined with exercising and eating.
I am frustrated with the way I ignore God when I don't need Him, then cry when I do.
I am frustrated with the way I pretend I have my life together and I know exactly who I am when really I still don't know.
I am frustrated with the answers I give people because I know what it is they are wanting to hear.
I am frustrated with how hesitant I am to want to apply myself to things and learn.
I am frustrated with my constant desire to please people.
I am frustrated with the anger I sometimes direct towards my mother when really it's just because I see a reflection of who I really am.
I am frustrated with my inability to step out beyond my insecurities to meet new people.
I am frustrated with my poor stewardship when it comes to money.
I am frustrated with how little I trust my friends and yet how much I expect them to trust me.
I am frustrated with my fears of little things...like the dark, and fears of big things...like failure.
I am frustrated with how much I want to be spontaneous and carefree, and yet I worry and fret.
I am frustrated when I post on my blog instead of reading the three chapters of homework I have due tomorrow.
I am frustrated with how long this list really could go.

Hm. I wonder what would happen if that "25 things" facebook note that has become so popular was "25 ugly truths" instead. Something makes me think it wouldn't be as popular.

Without Jesus, I am nothing. Absolutely nothing. Something tells me He named me Grace for a reason.

P.S. Perhaps I shouldn't limit my blog's content to "lovely happenings and simple joys" Oh Irony. You get me every time.