powerful love

I had somewhat of a revelation today.

I've been thinking a lot lately about love. Real love.

Love that fights anger felt towards others, love that forgives other's actions, even if according to cultural opinion there's a strong argument for their injustice. Love that does not hold grudges, keeps absolutely no account of wrongs.

Just as Paul writes, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." {1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Beautiful love.

I realized that love has a lot to do with the changes I want to make in my life. But in a very different way than I thought. I realized that maybe overcoming the insecurities and self-conscious thoughts that I struggle with isn't about finding ways to love myself more...it isn't about telling myself positive things or trying to completely change my mindset by will power...maybe it's as simple as forgetting completely about myself and loving others. It's so obvious now, self-conscious- too aware of self, vain, proud, self-seeking, self-pleasing. In the time I spend hating myself I am taking time away from loving others. It is blinding me.

Loving others by listening to them, by spending time with them as if they are a great movie, or book - enjoying who they are, asking questions, delving into understanding them. "Blue Like Jazz" has a great chapter on this and talks about making the decision to love someone in your mind as well as in your conversation the second you meet them.

Loving others is hard when you're so caught up in yourself, and I have begun to realize more and more just how self-absorbed I really am.

I am praying Jesus...

1. Gives me freedom from my consuming, own self criticism.
1. & Shows me how to listen, study, and care deeply for people - despite anything they think about me or any way they treat me.

I think this will take a lifetime of learning, but I think I'm gradually beginning to understand it...bit by bit.

Sigh...and it's so freeing.