Today was such a sloooow day.
I feel like I count every second that goes by at work. As I was shelving shoes today I thought about how much I wanted to delete my facebook again. I get these sudden urges to do drastic things sometimes. I think it is because I am desperate for attention and desperate for change.
I hate the mundane life. Passionately hate. And yet I have to live it quite a lot...and really I suppose I choose it against my own wishes. I despise the fact that I am so far from who I want to be...I know exactly what I want my life to look like and yet it is so far from that...my actions are separated from my heart...and it is a tragedy. I don't want to be the kind of person that lives in the "one day..." world. I want to do the things I know I want to do even if they are hard at first. Good luck...I can hear my pessimistic self saying that now. I always choose defeat before I consider success.
This morning I called an Amish man to ask about spending a day with an Amish family, but he wasn't home. I am pretty excited though...he should be calling back in the next few days, he had a funeral and a wedding to go to. I think he must be a head elder. Anyway...that will be such a wunderbaar (that is my Amish word practice :) ) adventure.
To my dishes I must go now...goodbye dreamy heart and faraway callings...
Jesus still this heart of insecurity...love this heart of loneliness...and most of all...please come find me.
P.S. Thanks Keisha for the motivation to keep this updated.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
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