Wednesday, May 30, 2012

fragmented {light}.


"I myself am entirely made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."

This is how I often feel. Intentions never quite taking me far enough.
In my self-piety I catch myself thinking I'm steps ahead of other people.
Until I find the ground close —up against my face. 
What does it take for truth to sink in deeper than our surfaces?
My face burns with embarrassment 
when I realize how many times I get up off my knees 
only to do those very things I loathe. 
What I hate most about my sin...
 ...is the mirror image it reflects back of my shallow and broken heart.
It's ugly to stare in the face.
That little girl who never grew out of her desperation for praise.
That begging...for one more glance.
That resounding - "tell me...tell me that I'm worth something".
.

I don't know where it ends, I'm just believing it will.
God's character has never been to leave the broken—broken. 
He's far too bright.
Far too glorious. 
His grace—far too earth-shattering.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

a resting.


"Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands"

The tests came back negative. 
I have never felt so relieved, or so mentally exhausted. 
I watched the phone buzz as I sat through my last meeting 
and a million fears instantly bombarded me
...but just as rapidly came His words - 
"Grace, you're going to have to learn to trust me 
with a lot more than this. You've got a whole lifetime ahead with bigger, deeper, harder things I'm going to take you through. 
And I will take you through them 
but can you trust me now with this?" 
It was one small exercise - that felt weighted and monumental. 
It was one step closer to Him...a deep breath...a resting. 
He is God... and all throughout my life...He will be God.