exist in the enjoyable

enjoy, don't just exist

even more...enjoy existing

and finally, exist in the enjoyable

heartbeat

Above all earthly things, the heart is of the utmost confusion. In each single beat is formed a memory, a reminiscence of moments past, a thought of laughter, or the searing burn of pain. Such a delicate, yet wicked thing. Constantly sought and pursued it longs for freedom but begs for submission. It seeks wisdom, yet often chooses folly first. The one hope of redemption becomes only an after thought. The thought of redemption so beautiful, yet the process too exhaustive to consider. Getting by each day with only a taste of the redemptive, to but soften, the beatings of the common jealousies and bitter thoughts. The things of which never lead to profit, only slowly to self-absorption and pity. How to overcome? To seek a complete redemption, is the richest gain. Defeating harsh deceptive sins before the soul is reached. So often instead, ignored, accepted, and even welcomed. When confronted there remains an enveloping feeling of powerlessness. Above all earthly conceptions remains a held faith in a greater Father Creator. The very one who by His breath, formed humanity, personally. In this source, when believed with abandonment, there is found peace. In Him is found the redemption to mark another day.

And so begins the twenties.

I am now 20 years old. I like saying that. :)

I'm not sure why but for some reason this birthday has had a bit more of an emotional impact then previous birthdays. I think it's because I am officially leaving the teen years...and entering a whole new world with the number "2". It seems sort of silly but it's had me contemplating quite a bit what exactly I am doing with my life.

It's wonderful to look back on this year and see the multitude of things Jesus took me through and taught me. He loves me. A lot. His presence takes away fear. And I am trying to remember that as I look towards the future.

I understand myself so much more due to different experiences this year...painful heartbreak, influential people, comfort zones broken, fears overcome...I am grateful. Even though these are all things I have experienced in other years past I find myself looking at them in a whole new light and truly finding God's grace in every aspect of my life. (No pun intended). ;)

Beauty and truth. These are the things I look for in life...want in life. I have come to realize the responsibility of a designer to display truth through my artwork. And I have begun to discover a God who is more beautiful then my wildest imagination.

On a more practical note I am excited as I am beginning to set goals for my twentieth year. I am on my way to being a healthier and happier. :) I went to yoga for the first time tonight - and it was wonderful. Ok, granted I may have kicked the wall once...but I'm tall! haha...Oh...and had sweat pouring down my face...and pretty much looked like a lobster...but it was worth it! Practice makes perfect, right? :) I am just excited to try something new! And... even if the first half of the workout was torture the 20 minutes of relaxing, stretching, and listening to jungle music was my favorite thing ever.

I can't wait to see what wonderful things happen this year. I'll keep you updated. :)

P.S. I got contacts over break...is my eyesight already failing at 20? Yikes! haha -so much to look forward to.