for now.

He's asking me to be brave.

He's asking me to trust him.

And, I want to. I so desperately want to.

"your grace is sufficient for me."

saturday.

today.

I bought new pajamas. {in my favorite color}

cleaned my house.

cranked up Michael Buble.

lit every candle I own.

& I cooked breakfast for dinner.

It was glorious. 

I'll meet you there.

there's a whole lot of world out there to change. 

I find that exciting.

overwhelming.

thrilling.

yesterday I sat overlooking the waterfall in the stream, I was mesmerized by the way the water caught on the rocks and the directions it took. It was so clear, I could look through it...and I thought, "how strange is it that such a thing was created?" This thing that is a normal part of our day, covering many places, and taking many forms. This glassy-sheer liquid that ebbs and flows around us. I found it amazing. 

Too often I am antsy to keep moving in my life. 

I want it to be ever-changing.

entertaining.

full.

But lately I've had a lot of different people speaking into my life the same message -  to stop. to enjoy. and to be content with the little. Today I want to take time to sit, and to be with God. When things are going really great, and life is full of good-but busy things...that's when loving God with all my heart, soul and mind is something I have to push for...it doesn't just happen. And if I let it slip, it slowly ceases to be a relationship...and turns into something that's just tacked onto everything else.

sunshine-filled heart.

It feels really good to be smiling all the time again.

I have too many things to be thankful for.

Dear Daddy, it's me.

A million-bajillion thoughts floating around in my mind, I just needed to be reminded that your heart will always be my home. 

Thank you for that. 

sacred.

I find it so comforting to know there are parts of my heart that will always, only be God's.

overwhelmed by a loving God.

this is the morning.

exhausted.

I've been absent without meaning to be.

weary. excited. busy. hoping. surviving.
good news. bad news.

and somehow, I'm supposed to capture all of this into a small explanation. 

an explanation of how life is going...and I can't, I just can't.

this feels familiar.

Zzz.

If I had one wish right now, it would be for sleep. Long, uninterrupted, breakfast-in-bed, sort of sleep.

Working weekend - we are going to battle it out. 

btw. Wednesdays are my new favorite days. I love home group. love. 

goodbyes.

Ciao

Sayanora

See ya

Peace out

Farewell

Bon voyage

Arrivaderci!

Au revoir

Hasta la vista

I remember as a little girl, me and my younger brother, getting extremely angry with my parents. I'm sure they had told us we couldn't play outside anymore, or something simple like that, but to a seven and five year old, those sorts of things mean a lot. In my anger I promptly stormed to my room. I soberly informed my little brother we were running away, took my little dress up suitcase from the closet...and proceeded to pack my doll-sized china tea set, and train tickets from a board game we had. My brother and I bundled up in our jackets, and with stern faces headed out the door. I was absolutely convinced I was leaving for good. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that the same train tickets that won that board game would work at the nearest train station we came to. Of course a train ticket, is a train ticket. My parents were sitting calmly in the living room as we told them we were leaving. I expected them to be a bit more upset than they were, and was disappointed by their reaction (or lack there of). We walked down our long dirt drive way and headed out onto the road, passing our neighbor's house as she popped her head out the door to ask where we were going. "We've decided to run away" I told her matter-of-factly and kept up my brisk pace, practically dragging Caleb behind me. The more we walked the more my courage began to wane. I felt very responsible all of a sudden and a bit worried about taking care of both me and my brother. After all, I hadn't packed any food, just the plates to eat it on. Not too far down the road we heard the sputtering, trusty, old green family car behind us. Dad was behind the wheel, driving slowly along. I (of course) was not to be swayed, and kept on walking, determined to begin a life of independence. Dad said to us, "Would you like to come home and we'll have some donuts for breakfast, than maybe you can runaway after that?" I stopped. Contemplated the thought. Turned to discuss plans with Caleb, and said, "Well, I guess we can come back for a short while." And that was the end of our grand plan to head east on the train.

I laugh now at that story, but a there is a lot of truth in the fact that I would rather run away from things than put up with them. I have a prideful-stubborn streak that says "I'm taking control now, and leaving. See how you like that."

If only goodbye actually was that easy, I probably would do it a lot more often. It's probably good that it's not. 

aspiring cath kidston & pioneer woman.

check out this lady's blog - she's quite inspiring, witty, and full of adventurous tales. One of my favorite blog sites, hands down.

http://thepioneerwoman.com/

this one is possibly my favorite post of hers - here

maybe I'll set out to be a pioneer woman one day. wrestle rattlesnakes. bake bread. watch sunsets over corn fields. what about that doesn't sound incredible?

also, I've been stumbling upon blogs with all kinds of house-sort-of-things...can I show you the ones I oohed and aahed over?

alright, I will momentarily shake the clouds from my head, and set out to clean my own little space.

...if only weekends lasted longer.

we've fallen into a world, where everything's a fairy tale.

Two wonderful thing have been happening - one, I've been reading John Eldredge's book about the world around us being one great big fairy tale penned by God - and two, I've been finding it out for myself. There isn't a way to describe this odd pivot I've felt in my relationship with God...but somewhere between the down-to-earth conversations and the frankness...I've felt a new side of Him. I quite like it. Instead of feeling obligated, time with God feels like a date I'm excited and anxious for. Because instead of feeling the need to follow a set pattern - read the Bible, pray, end time with God - I've been going on walks with Him, talking to Him in the passenger seat of the car, singing to Him...and focusing on one thing alone - delighting in Him. (To be clear, I'm not advocating a dusty Bible here). I wish I could describe what I've encountered. The best illustration I have is just this - that I spent hours today meandering along a bush trail, stopping nearly every minute or so to admire some small leaf or curly moss. The whole time, carrying on a casual conversation with God about my day...pausing to, peer at a spiderweb and say, "I think what you've made is absolutely beautiful."

It's true, you know. We're living in a fairy tale. Look around us, have you ever seen things so strange and so lovely? And the presence of evil - so very real. Indeed, as real as the hope which has caught in our hearts and sent us hungering for more - bright eyed and unabashed. How do we begin bringing more of this heaven down to earth? I think the answer is wound up in - sacrifice. The very thing that reunited heaven and earth at the cross. When I look at things in my life, it's the things I have sacrificed the most for that are most valuable and most beautiful. It is battling with the absurdity of love as our weapon. It wins every time.

10.

things that have filled my heart up {this week}

1. Joined the gym. A boxing gym, in fact. (Owned by rugby player, Va'aiga Tuigamala.) He actually talked me into joining. Met with my personal trainer, and am loving it.

2. Absolutely crazy about the home group I have been attending weekly. Amazing people, and challenging my relationship with God in so many ways.

3. Attended a quilting class and had a really fun night of chatting, being creative, and meeting lovely people. The hostess was a dear thing and I'm looking forward to spending more time with her.

4. Had a dinner party and made my mum's infamous spaghetti, it turned out perfectly.

5. Very excited about my box garden I have designed and been planning. Went shopping for just the right flowers...and will post photos soon of the whole process.

6. Read a Dr. Suess book and remembered how much I love his children's books.

7. Had one of those amazingly, nearly-brutal in it's honesty, sort of conversations with God. Which really cleanses the soul.

8. Skyped with Susan who is living in one of my favorite places in the world - green, lush, rose garden scattered, sheep-inhabited - Ireland.

9. Have been reading "Epic" by John Eldredge, and underlining nearly every other paragraph.

10. Have been building really great relationships that are going to make leaving here more difficult.

that is what kind of a day it was.

aunty.

One of the best things in my life lately has been all of the little kids who have decided to make me their "aunty" or their "big sister".

It fills my heart right up to the brim to have precious children in my life to spoil rotten with presents and outings.

I thought it was for the ugly, distasteful, and hateful things I had to forgive you.

But I realized instead, it's the beautiful, unforgettable, and promising things that require forgiveness.

Some things never grow old, they are just forgotten.