run with the wild horses.

new favorite song.

life lately

Emotions are funny things. I've found that I can clearly and quite logically state the truth about a given situation in my life. However, in the next moment I find myself sobbing for two hours over the illogical.
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Love & Truth.

Without each other they are useless and empty.
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...

Today the only thing I allowed myself to think about was Ireland.

today, somebody else can be me...please.

I've had a migraine for two days now. My head feels like it's going 'splode...my ears throb...my throat is sore...every part of my body aches...and I'm burning up. Tonight there are birthday parties to attend, and homework to finish. I wish the flu would choose more convenient times to visit.
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I've had this song stuck in my head all day. I like it.

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm going to walk through the valley
If You want me to

Because I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I go through the valley If You want me to

(Ginny Owens/"If You Want Me To")

simply magical day

I awoke in Narnia this morning. Beautiful, glittering, crystal Narnia. I think the weather should interrupt routine more often. After a morning of worship, a lovely long lunch with a friend, an investigation of some ice patterns in the abandoned archive hallway, and a cancellation of all my classes I didn't think the day could get any better. Then I found it. A wonderful cozy little room tucked away upstairs in the library. Complete with warm lamps and a little loveseat. I found some of my favorite children's books and thoroughly enjoyed a lovely hour of solitude. (Despite the occaisonal reprimanding look I got from the librarian...I don't think he knew quite what to do with me all curled up in my seat, books strewn everywhere.)

(I felt this book was a necessary read today)

(this one reminds me of home, and many childhood days spent going to the blueberry & blackberry patch)

(...and this book...well everyone who knows me well knows that this is my absolute favorite book, and no day of reading would be complete without it.)


A walk through Narnia was the perfect ending to my delightful day. Most importantly I was reminded today of just how absolutely lovely it is to be a child.

"The end of childhood is when things cease to astonish us. When the world seems familiar, when one has got used to existence, one has become an adult." -Eugene Ionesco


(yum.)

ice storms, quotes, and decisions

"God is God, and I am not."

{A more comforting phrase, I have yet to find.}

I have decided - rather spontaneously, rather hurridly, to go to Ireland next semester. Maybe I'll regret it. Maybe I'll love it. That's the beauty of spontaneous adventures.

I also decided to not make a decision about something today. Just because I didn't really feel like thinking about it or evaluating it. However, my dear friend pointed out to me that in deciding to not make a decision, I was indeed making a decision. There's just no winning is there? And yes, I realize that was extremely vague, but intentionally so.

Today school chewed me up and spit me out. Yes...it's true. Every class seemed to drag on and on...even my favorites.

They say an ice storm is coming. I walked back from work admiring the pretty flourish designs the ice had made on the concrete. Ice is such a beautiful, yet potentially dangerous thing. As are many things in life.

Discernment is a rare and wonderful quality. Today I make that my prayer. And despite the occaisonal worry that creeps within...I hear the words replayed, "God is God, and you...Grace...are not." and I sigh, a deep sigh of relief.

musical sanctuary

I'm really enjoying blogging. Two days in a row, it's pretty obvious.

I have found so much joy in beginning to play the piano again.

Seven years of hatred and I think I've finally found the joy in it.

The practice rooms have become my haven, sanctuary if you will.

When I'm tired, when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I'm angry...that's where I go - and I pound out every emotion on those black and white keys.

Current favorite piece to play, Damien Rice, "9 Crimes".

I've got Ireland on my mind...

Seriously now, what about this doesn't look absolutely amazing and wonderful? I think Ireland is exactly the thing I need next semester. Appointment with international advisor made. Excitement. Check.

only time will tell

So I've decided...I would really like my next "new and exciting purchase" to be a men's leather watch. Brown. Wide band. Square face. I do realize that the one pictured above has none of these characteristics. However, it's a lovely photo.

He loved me first, He continues to love me first.

"We were created because we were loved, we were created so that we could experience that love, and we were created so that we could become a symbol of that love."


"His love - we did not earn it, we cannot lose it."
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The truth...I have overcomplicated it...and in doing that twisted it to lies.

It's so simple. He loves me...and nothing else matters.


{Quotes taken from - "Embracing the Love of God": James Bryan Smith}


P.S. Thanks for the 52 degree weather today...it made my day.

try for a better start

Today has been a strange day. Actually, this whole semester has started off really strange.

Maybe my expectations were too high.

Maybe I haven't been spending enough time with God...or caring.

I've been noticing myself pulling away from some of my friends just because I know they will be leaving after this semester. This is selfish...but it's my fear working to protect myself. I don't really know what to do about it.

Maybe this week is just a weird combination of classes beginning again, feeling sick, and the miserable weather. Hopefully I'll snap out of it.

Blogs are good for processing life. But,I guess some times lighthearted posts are harder to write than I thought...sorry.

I really am happy to be back. And chapel yesterday...was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

my postsecret

I wish you didn't know what I was thinking before I said it. I wish you didn't finish my sentences. I wish you didn't fear the same things I do. I wish you didn't dream of the things I dream of...it would make things easier, you know?

Nobody understands. But I miss you in my life.

ethereal fancies

I want to be a fairy...





...and live in a tree house.

musings

I am officially blog obsessed. Style blog obsessed. As I told Leslye the other day, finding a good blog to me is like finding treasure. haha...seriously. I love the creative ideas & inspiration and I have so many folders on my computer with miscellaneous photos it's crazy. I really should do some sorting.


So...part of the curse of being a college student is (for me at least) I'm always thinking about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. So far here's what I'm considering:


1. Going to Australia to sing and hope for a break with Hillsong (hm...maybe vocal lessons are in order first)...



2. Floral arranging (Just look at this gorgeous arrangement from Saipua - http://saipua.blogspot.com)



3. Crafting beautiful things and selling them on www.etsy.com (most beloved site)

...isn't this darling?



Whichgoose: (http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=19463840)

4. Going and living in Asia (thoroughly enjoyed last summer's trip)



(I took this when we visited a tiny village in the mountains)

5. And finally...going to live in New Zealand and taking any job I can just to live there.



(Watch Prince Caspian and you'll be dying to live there too.)




Funny how none of these directly have anything to do with my major. Hm. Haha.

Oh...and I'm taking votes... :)

delightful day

These are a few of the simple joys of today.

Yummy Fiber One bars...chocolate mocha is my favorite. I think I could live on them.

My new cozy North Face fleece (that I've barely taken off).

And Herbal Essence's red raspberry shampoo & conditioner...mmm...delish.

Every day is full of these sorts of little treasures...sometimes I just forget to look for them.

2 more days till I go back to the books...I'm sort of anxious, and pretty excited. :)
I have a feeling a lot of this semester is going to consist of constant wedding hoopla (Gabi's & Hannah's weddings) --oh on that note, any fun (& clean) bachelorette party games suggestions are welcome-- I hope I can manage to keep my head. (After wedding dress shopping for a whole weekend non-stop I swore I didn't want to hear one more word pertaining to weddings...I've just barely recovered from that...hm. Should be interesting.)

I've decided my blog this year (2009!) needs to take a different spin. I'm an avid style blog reader and would love to have a blog that's more lighthearted and visual. Thoughts? What makes a good blog anyway?

Ok, off for now. Au revoir.


P.S. I'm quite proud of the fact that I have been eating healthy for three weeks now and have managed to lose about 8 lbs. hurrah! Christmas cookies - victory is mine! :)

reminder

Break has been nice, but I am ready for school again. Ready for the busyness, the people...and my own room.


Why does it seem like things happen only to fall to pieces in my hands? What decisions and choices do I need to make to see changes? Sigh. A sigh seems to be the only thing I can emit, I mean what more is there to say really? I feel like the battles I fight today are the battles I've been fighting since I was fourteen.

My mother said a profound thing the other day. She said that it's so important to remember that the core of Christianity is the relationship. And if we remember that then when things in our life don't seem to be going well instead of feeling like our world is tipsy we won't care because our relationship with Jesus is anchored. Basically, we don't need to feel like God is inconsistent and that our circumstances depend on if we're good or bad and His pleasure or displeasure with us.


I need to keep reminding myself of that truth. And pray that the huge fears I hold inside will one by one be broken down.