Time.

It's been a long time.

Each time I've caught myself…unsure. 

Can I really find the words to aptly describe this daily living?

When did fear creep in-between my fingers and the keys?

"I find that I'm safe and warm 

In your loving arms

You see me

And You know me

And You love me

Through and through"

It's time to find my way home again. 

Time to spend that much needed heart-time with the Father.

Time to write again.

It's good to be back.

taking time [to reflect]

I'm in a new normal. 

Suddenly I'm finding myself less than three months away 
from a complete life change. 

Mrs.Grace Louise Smith, 
(humor me)...sometimes I get giddy just typing it out!

My life is being melded with another's, 
God has a beautiful way of doing things. 

I am excited to finally come to the moment 
when I get to walk down the aisle beside my daddy, 

towards my best friend - my favorite person in the world. 

We are beginning a life long journey - as Jon told me,

"It's like we're on a plane trip (to eventually heaven...) 
and we get to sit beside each other!". 

I love that. 
On the journey towards holiness - God has given us this gift. 

(Photo Credit: AUS10 Photography) 

shedding light.

I have discovered something new about honesty.

Honesty is not an option I get, 
honesty is an act of obedience.

Honesty is not weighing the outcomes 
of what may or may not happen 
dependent on my truthfulness.

Honesty is being transparent 
and believing that God will take care of the rest. 

Doing the obedient thing 
doesn't mean we have everything figured out 
and in our control before we act, no we obey and trust — 
we obey and believe in a God 
who in His sovereignty knows what to do next.

If we were created to be children of the light, 
let's live like children of the light.

life lately has looked like this...

engagement photos - done.

wedding band - purchased. 

(Four months and counting!)

Jon's fantastic building skills (a true Arkansan cutting board).

My beautiful Christmas present from Jon - a sewing table...

 This sleepy little possum who lounges around my house without a care in the world...

apples of gold

"A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."  

Proverbs 25:11

Sometimes I take undue pride in my ability

to speak succinctly and frankly.

Yesterday however, I was stopped short as I listened to someone share their reasons for holding their tongue and not saying what was on their mind to someone they knew. They wanted to treat that person with a certain gentleness that they needed. They knew the person well enough, to know what they could handle—and what could possibly harm.

I realized that my readiness to speak out is often done without consideration —without that pause, to think first of the other person. 

I need to learn to carry my words carefully —to give them out slowly. 

Learn to listen more. Speak less.

I need to learn to hold my words for necessary moments

—for moments the words fit.

[ ]

6.

My breath catches and holds. 

In all caps, expanding my growing June 5th eucharisto list
—6. THE CHANCE TO WRITE. 

God is the giver of good gifts.

{spaces}

bright. effervescent colors. 

Sometimes I see things that make my heart sing.

The textures, the curling ribbon, thick stems and lacy petals.

I love to design.

I love to wrap my hands around leafy bouquets, choose placement, color, light. 

I am drawn to spaces. 

Dreaming up atmosphere - a touch - a place you don't only see 

—but feel upon entering.

fragmented {light}.

"I myself am entirely made of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."

This is how I often feel. Intentions never quite taking me far enough.

In my self-piety I catch myself thinking I'm steps ahead of other people.

Until I find the ground close —up against my face. 

What does it take for truth to sink in deeper than our surfaces?

My face burns with embarrassment 

when I realize how many times I get up off my knees 

only to do those very things I loathe. 

What I hate most about my sin...

 ...is the mirror image it reflects back of my shallow and broken heart.

It's ugly to stare in the face.

That little girl who never grew out of her desperation for praise.

That begging...for one more glance.

That resounding - "tell me...tell me that I'm worth something".

.

I don't know where it ends, I'm just believing it will.

God's character has never been to leave the broken—broken. 

He's far too bright.

Far too glorious. 

His grace—far too earth-shattering.

a resting.

"Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands"

The tests came back negative. 

I have never felt so relieved, or so mentally exhausted. 

I watched the phone buzz as I sat through my last meeting 

and a million fears instantly bombarded me

...but just as rapidly came His words - 

"Grace, you're going to have to learn to trust me 

with a lot more than this. You've got a whole lifetime ahead with bigger, deeper, harder things I'm going to take you through. 

And I will take you through them 

- but can you trust me now with this?" 

It was one small exercise - that felt weighted and monumental. 

It was one step closer to Him...a deep breath...a resting. 

He is God... and all throughout my life...He will be God. 

.

 

My mind says one thing, and my heart says another.

I find myself learning how to live in a world I was never created for.

lots of wonderful things.

So, I realize that this is another "gushy" post, but I couldn't help showing you the fun photos my sister took over spring break! We all set out on a drizzly day to have some fun, camera in hand - and she captured some great photos for us...despite the rain!

I was a little unsure about this! - but it's a good thing he's strong!

I like him.

There has to be at least one completely cheesy one!

I love the Springtime flowers.

Don't be deceived by the smile, by this point I was wet...and cold.

Ice-cream is always a great addition to any day.

 On another note, this month I will be tackling moving houses and changing jobs! It's going to be a busy April!

one year.

A year ago today, I started dating this cute boy. 

We had no idea what this year 

had in store for us - it's been a crazy, wild one!

However, I am constantly overwhelmed by God's abundant goodness...

He has given us treasures upon treasures.

[ ]

 

God has been teaching me more about himself, 
and oh my is it astounding.

Phil Vischer (creator of Veggie Tales) came and spoke on our college campus and the words he had to say only further drove home the point God has been making to me. His message was summed up in this - 
"No matter what your dream is, God is bigger."

He is more satisfying than the fulfillment of any dream. 
No matter how well-intended, impacting, or "godly". 
Nothing can add additional worth to simply knowing Jesus, there is absolutely nothing greater, grander, or more life-giving.
Our whole life is about him and us. That's it. Everything else is bonus.

If anything, whether dream or failure begins to threaten your relationship with God, you can be sure he will do some re-arranging to recapture your heart.

There is freedom found in the realization that life is not about achievement - it's about relationship.

This begs the question, is he worth more to me 
than my wildest dreams?

Am I in love with him, or am I in love with my dreams?

[freedom]

choice.

.

 

I want to live again as wild and free. 

{ }

 

Nothing like some sweet springtime flowers from my dear boy to make my day a little brighter...

today is a brave day.

[ ]

“God’s grace deems us to be someone 
before we become someone—we’re important 
before we’re important 
and lovely before we are lovely.” 
{Russ Masterson}

lasting.

 

This week I have felt honored to read the thoughts of a gentle old man who journaled and shared his thoughts while going through the painful process of watching his wife die (this after many years of her struggling with intense sickness). Today was his final letter, as she slipped away to be with Jesus. Being a part of the stories he has shared, I've absorbed it all, and my heart feels a deep sorrow - and also a deep hope. His writing has been honest and the emotions he has shared - raw. 

To see a love that withstood so much pain in this life, and a devoted love like none I've ever seen - is inspiring. 

What rings truer than true, is where Jesus is so obvious and bright. 

It's something different than what most marriages display, sadly. 

 I want a truth-saturated-love like that, a real and lasting love. 

 I'm beginning to realize that the first step is a crucial mind-shift, 

beginning with the belief that - happiness is only a by-product of holiness - happiness, does not beget holiness.

Marriage is about our sanctification...happiness - is one of those

beautiful bonuses that comes along with it. 

Life is a lot less about us than we ever grow up believing it is. 

And I'm beginning to love that truth.

_

yellow roses.

 

My favorite boy surprised me with roses, coffee 

and chocolate at work...my three loves... :)

He's pretty spectacular.

 

skewed perspective.

We must be careful not to get too focused on the shadows...
the shadows are only evidence of the greater light. 

We find life in the Light — not in the shadows it casts.

new year.

 

2012

 

I'm expecting you to be absolutely wonderful.