Tuesday, January 19, 2010

"So, what are your plans after graduation?"

That will be the plaguing question of the year.

Wow. What a day. What a week. I feel the need to blog just for my sanity's sake. Today I called my mother and cried for about an hour. Luckily she knows how to handle my emotional breakdowns better then most and was able to calm me down and speak rationally to my irrational thoughts. I feel so completely overwhelmed by school. 20 hours...let me tell you...is a LOT of work. Tonight I felt like I truly did not have the physical capability to do all of the work due for tomorrow. But, my mum helped me come up with a good organized plan for the next couple days ...so I'm just going to work as hard as I can till I get to Friday. Oh dear, sweet Friday...come soon.

It's tough to be working towards graduating when, frankly, it scares me to death. I have come to realize more and more that I don't like change and I don't handle adjustments well. That is something I need to work on, because I think there will be lot it in my life.

The hardest thing I am starting to see this first week of school is that my priorities may not be what I want them to be this semester. Relationships mean so much to me...and having to put them second to school work is not something I enjoy doing...but may be necessary sometimes. The things I value are so different than what is expected of me and where the "natural" path of life seems to take most. What kind of a job I have in the future isn't as important to me as who I am and who I grow to become. I want to make the usually "smaller" priorities in life my biggest priorities. I want all the relationships in my life to come before any job, I want to be happy with the place I live in, I want to live and breathe nature...taking those much needed "rest times" that our campus pastor spoke of today. I don't ever want to stop learning...I want to read more books, expose myself to different cultures, cultivate my music taste by going to live music events, aspire to be Julia Childs by cooking and baking more, write poetry...write books, grow flowers in every space possible, climb mountains, jump from waterfalls, go to quirky events like the annual Hot Air Balloon festival in Indiana (and be a hardcore fanatic about it), I want to take care of people who are sick, I want to pray like a prayer warrior, I want to see other people become what they dream of, I want to love till it hurts, I want to play often, slack off less...I want to awaken in the "freshness" and awe of Jesus every day...those are the things that excite me when I think about life. Most of all...I don't want my career to override those things or become the main focus of my life. Day after day I've got to trust that God has something ahead...that things aren't just bleak and empty...for the soon-to-be college graduate. He's got so much waiting...and He knows my heart...because He created it.

And now...I'm going to rest.

3 comments:

Keisha Rae said...

LOVE this. LOVE you. You're blog always makes me smile, or feel challenged, or feel like someone knows exactly how I feel :)

Richie said...

Well said, while it's true that a part of our lives will be our career, the other big chunk will be the people we spend them with. I think that's the most important chunk too... =0)

Hannah Faith said...

you blog makes me cry.