Thursday, April 15, 2010

no darkness.

Conviction. It's a tough thing. Today, and lately, I have been feeling like an awful friend. You know we always want someone to be something for us, but how often are we that for them? I fail people a lot, and I know that's human...but it isn't a good feeling. This week I have caught myself being completely absorbed in everything carnal and hedonistic. Worse than that, I've been pulling down others with me. Instead of ending time with my friends and feeling like my soul has been nourished and I have been strengthened, I feel tired...and defeated. It feels dark. This week has felt dark. And I don't like being there. It's a lot easier to trust God when things in my life are horrible than it is to recognize my need for Him in the good times too. I start thinking I can conquer it all myself. Being a Christian comes down to the nitty gritty decisions of choosing right over wrong in really tough and tempting situations. Situations that are easily justified, easily candy-coated. One bad decision on top of another bad decision and my heart will only grow calloused and my conscience dimmer. The more time I spend away from reading truth as well the more room there is for untruth to come in and reside. Sometimes loving others, loving yourself, and loving God in the best way you can means not doing what seems "most fun" and exciting...and that sucks...and it's hard...but I'm counting on the truth being worth it.

1 comment:

Gabrielle said...

and you will be rewarded... with a deeper knowledge of His heart.