Sunday, February 6, 2011

Ezer Kenegdo

I was trudging through the untouched, soft and drifty snow the other day...I had quite a walk ahead, but I was enjoying myself and taking advantage of the quiet to have a casual conversation with God.
It's hard to stop. 
Especially during a time of transition when your world is momentarily turned upside down and there are people to see, errands to run. 
I enjoy God in my relationships, but I have to make myself stop and enjoy Him alone as well. While I breathed the cold air in and out, I had the thought that during this season of my life, God is like my Boaz. My needs are really practical things, food, a place to live, transportation...similar to Ruth I have been uprooted and am alone to provide for myself. I love picturing God as my Boaz. My "Ezer Kenegdo" - my sustainer. This Hebrew phrase was first used in the Bible when God describes Eve and her role to man, but it is also used throughout the Bible in explaining God coming to us in desperate time of need. (Psalm 121:1-2)

Sometimes trusting God with emotional issues seems somehow more "manageable" than the crucial things we need on daily basis for living. 
 I am discovering this to be a hard place, more difficult than where I've been before. It takes a "one day at a time" mentality, and a lot of courage. But in it - I am already discovering the deep protecting, caring, nurturing - heart of God. He sustains me. Every single day I see my needs met and I feel strong in knowing it's Him I get to be with. He is my Boaz, and no one else - and I love that. I feel something similar to a jealousy for Him, but not jealousy...more of - that place in my life is sacred - it's just for Him, and there is nothing at war within me contesting that or wanting something different.  - And that...if you can understand, is such a good, good feeling.

1 comment:

emma christine said...

beautiful. happy to see you in this place. literally and figuratively :)