Today I realized that God is testing me on the very beliefs he has been strengthening me in. It's like a push-pull, or as Joey so well said, a "held in tension" feeling. I came out of one test with my faith completely strengthened in God's love for me, his desire for good things for me, and his direction for me...only to now find myself having to use what I've learned in a new situation. It's almost like God's saying, "Grace, do you really believe what I have proven to you to be true? Or are you going to fall back once again to your own way of thinking...because it's easier to believe?" It's true. It's easier to believe that God doesn't care...that his love is inconsistent. It's easier to blame myself...false sense of control.
I'm letting His truths hit me...and asking for his Spirit to soak in and take control. His blood, it continues to speak on my behalf.
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